There are many reasons that couples decide to stay together after an affair. A cheating partner may not be able to get out of the relationship. Getting over infidelity can take a lot of time, a lot of thinking and a great deal of empathy. With the right negotiation and a healing, erotic recovery, couples can look forward to a new future.
3 Phases of Recovery After an Affair
There are three main phases of recovery after a couple decides to make their marriage work following infidelity. The first phase is the crisis phase. This focuses on addressing hurt feelings and reestablishing safety. There are times where you will have amazing sex at this time and times where you need space. Give yourself time to go through this as it will pass.
The second phase o is the insight phase. Couples talk during this time about how the affair happened. They try to find a common ground to start the erotic recovery process. They discuss any old issues about sex and erotic connections. They also talk about what their desires are going forward. This is a time where sex changes.
During the insight phase, there are often erotic challenges that occur. The sex performance for both partners can take a hit. Some men may have erectile dysfunction or ED. They may have problems reaching orgasm. You might feel off-kilter from the amount of sex you want or need. You may even try using sex to feel closer to your partner and feel afraid that they may still leave you.
At this point, you can hopefully find a way to discuss how you are feeling regarding your sex life and about your performance in bed. Never use sex to compete or to manipulate your spouse. This can often lead to difficulty performing as it adds more stress to the situation.
You can create a new agreement to be monogamous. This will help you negotiate a deeper and stronger marital connection which may be made better because of the affair. It is not unusual for couples to experience this phase and claim the affair was the best thing to happen to their sex lives.
The Hurdles Some Couples Face
The relationship can still succumb to the stress that the erotic trauma of the affair has caused. The indiscretion demonstrated by the unfaithful partner can keep on living. If the couple is a male and female couple it may be that some sexual dysfunction happens to the man.
The greatest reason that this sexual dysfunction happens to this person is due to anxiety. Anxiety can strike at any time. Anxiety is a form of fear. This is a fear of something that has not happened and may not happen. But, the fear is that you are living as though it is happening.
Anxiety tends to be free floating. It goes on around your mind until it latches onto something. When this happens, it affects how we act physically.
You could be comparing yourself to the affair partner and this could be making you feel inadequate. Perhaps you are unsure about your marriage and how your partner really feels towards you. Every fear that a person has can be caused by the fear of the affair having been found out. Reliving this emotionally can cause insecurity in bed. It can be harder to become aroused or to have an orgasm. It can also lower your desire to make love.